There’s a time… a moment when everything becomes surreal and your vision becomes a knowing and you look at this man here in your arms. Love, yes. Profound love, but your need has shifted and your perception of it all has changed. You see the lifetimes of this love and your part in it. Will he ever have this awareness? Will he be left behind? Will someone take over for me? I have this sadness now… maybe it is grief.
It makes so much sense to me, this heart and head thing. You know how you have that friend who continually picks the wrong guys. Everyone tells her. She knows. Yet she still does it. Then one day she has that perception, that shift when her mind steps back and grace comes in and allows her to see with her heart. Right there in that moment she knows what it is all about and she doesn’t need it anymore.
Maybe part of it is also in the surrender. This man that I look at with such tenderness and love, has nothing to give. And he never will until he nourishes himself. I don’t know if he ever will. And I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. Everything is clear.